The refusal in itself means that right now our expectations have not been met. Each person can count many situations in which he was refused: someone was not given a visa, someone did not get their favorite job, and someone heard "no" from a loved one. But you can react to this fact in different ways. Some give up and lower their bar. Others try again, with renewed vigor. What can you learn from the latter?
Many ladies who have survived a divorce from their spouse do not seek to create a new unit of society, fearing an unhappy life in a new marriage. Rejection of a relationship is always painful. In extreme cases, they abandon the relationship because of their unwillingness to please and please, wash and cook "some guy." Men are not lagging behind, whose rejection of a relationship sometimes develops into some kind of mania. There are representatives of the stronger sex who represent all girls and women as extremely greedy and hypocritical individuals. As a result, there are wealthy, smart, skillful people who tend to meet with representatives of the opposite sex “without obligation”. The main explanation here is “it's easier this way”. Why is this happening?
Refusal is always very difficult. It doesn't matter who exactly is the person who neglected you: romantic partner, friend, work colleague or boss. At this moment, you feel humiliated, insulted, completely depressed. The heart stops, the eyes fill with tears, and the thought is spinning in my head, what will happen next. Psychologists advise not to dramatize and not commit rash acts. Here are some tips on how to deal with rejection and get out of it.
Forget revenge
Revenge is a dish served cold. Now imagine what will happen to you when, for long days and nights, you are obsessed with the idea of harming your opponent. You will simply kill your mental health and get a ton of problems. And these are not jokes at all, but facts proven by science.
Just accept the idea that your relationship is over. Nothing lasts forever. You just need to forgive and let go of this person in order to be able to move on. Don't stoop to becoming neurotic and persecuting the person. By doing this, you will put yourself in an unfavorable light and once again confirm and demonstrate how much pain you have been caused.
Spend time alone
In such a stressful situation, psychologists recommend taking care of your own peace of mind and balance. You need to come to your senses and visiting noisy companies is not the best idea in this case. Spend time alone, but not at home or alone with your thoughts. Learn to have fun just like that, without other people. Go to the park, supermarket, shopping, water park, or zoo. This will help you to distract yourself a little from the familiar environment (after all, some people may remind you of what happened) and relieve stress.
Identify what worries you
So, time has passed, and you are still depressed and unable to pull yourself together? Then it's time to sort out your own thoughts and feelings. Apparently, all this time you tried not to think about what happened. You are simply afraid to admit something to yourself.
You need to retire and instead of driving away thoughts about what happened, on the contrary, reproduce everything to the smallest detail. Your goal is to recognize the source of your worries and worries. Are you afraid of what will happen next? Afraid for the future? Are you angry with yourself and have a remorse for what happened? In any case, no matter how difficult it may be, try to find the answer. This is your main path to healing.
Overcome addiction to other people
What is the most offensive in case of refusal? Is it that the person you trusted, who was so honest, kind and good, suddenly did this to you? Try not to get attached to an image from the past. Understand and acknowledge that all people change. Perhaps he was like this yesterday, but today his worldview, outlook on life has changed.
Don't hold on to people who don't want to go further with you. It makes no sense for you to continue further relationships, and even more so to yearn for the past. Remember all the good things and move your way.
Quantity turns into quality
According to surveys by the Gallapp Foundation, on average, each smoker makes more than three attempts to quit smoking. Every attempt, even a failed one, is a new experience. Each time we get to know ourselves a little more, our capabilities and limitations. Likewise, with rejections, whatever your goal, in order to achieve sustainable results, you will have to go through a bounce rate.
When one door closes, another opens
To get a new job, we will have to listen to the phrase “you are not quite suitable for us” several times in a row. To find a partner - an offer to remain friends, a short "no" or even a puzzled look. Do not get hung up on worries, think that each refusal brings you closer to your cherished goal.
Inventor Alexander Bell once said very precisely: “When one door closes, another opens. And we often look at the closed door with such greedy attention that we do not notice at all those that are open for us. "
Refusals (like failures) make us prettier in the eyes of others
Oddly enough, a history of failure can play into our hands. Psychologist Elliot Aronson came to this conclusion back in 1966. He observed the behavior of spectators who were evaluating two participants in an intellectual competition. The first was confident and answered most of the questions correctly, the second was confused and generally made an unconvincing impression.
5 ways to deal with rejection and get stronger
At a certain moment, one of the players spilled coffee on himself. If a loser did it, the audience didn't sympathize with him. But if a competent player made a mistake, they empathized with him even more: now he seemed more "earthly" and human.
Your rejections are what makes you alive. Constant successes create distrust, but failures create a sense of drama and empathy. Treat them with humor, make fascinating stories out of them - this way you make them work for you.
Refusal is the prerogative of free people
Failure to say no is a sign of self-doubt. Low self-esteem prevents us from feeling valuable and forces us to turn to other people in order to "earn" the right to exist. On the contrary, refusal is the free choice of a person who knows his own worth. Accepting rejection is the flip side of rejecting.
Look for constructive meaning
Sometimes we are rejected outright and rudely. But sometimes rejection can contain a grain of life wisdom. The main thing is to see them. Remember that refusal is always more honest than consent given under pressure or out of a desire to maintain good relations.
The hardest thing is not refusal, but waiting
More often than not, it is uncertainty that causes anxiety and feelings of powerlessness. We count the hours and minutes while waiting for a letter, phone call or doorbell. Anxiety grows, leading us to imagine worst-case scenarios. In such a situation, any answer becomes a relief: at least the agonizing silence is broken, and you can move on.
Remember, rejection is part of real life. It only means that the door has closed. Instead of banging your head against her or sobbing at her doorstep, you can go in search of another - open.
